Friday, April 18, 2014
Guy: nice jacket there.
Me: uh thanks
Guy: I haven't seen it before. It's really nice.
*look at my jacket*
Me: uh that's cause you are guy and don't shop at female places.
Wtf is wrong with me. Sometimes I'm too unfriendly for my own good thus shutting everyone out.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Sometimes I actually have felt bad about being happy. For me, I have this "theory. Yes, another one of those weird "theories" of mine.
I am actually more worried, or equally worried when I am happy as compared to when I am upset. How dumb is that you may think?? I actually have this thinking that there is sort of a balance of everything. If I am happy for one week, does that mean that I'll have to experience another week of being upset? The amount of time I am happy and the amount of happiness are somehow correlated to the amount of sadness in the future and its time span.
And when I get happy, I start to worry about when this happiness is gonna get taken away from me. Snatched away. Then I'll be back to square one. But as the saying, carpe diem. I shall just enjoy the moment when I am happy I guess?
And if I continue to think like that, even if its not true, will it actually happen. Ahhh, the power of the mind.
While everyone is already in their dreamland, here I am in the library mugging for my mid-semester. Yes, I am actually putting in more effort this time round this semester. Its my last year and I really want to do well and not look back, wishing I had put in more efforts and not wasted it on some stupid stuffs. Other than thinking of nonsense, of course.
Quote of the week for me. *drum rolls, clap hands*
These days I find myself dreaming a lot. Weird thing is, I actually wake up remembering these dreams. And it feels so real and kinda hits me. You know how people always say what you think about in the day can affect what you dream about at night? Well, it sort of applies to me now. And its scary! Cause sometimes, I actually start confusing these dreams for reality. I seem to have trouble differentiating whether the dream really took place in real life. Like did it happen? or was it a dream? Considering that I have very bad memory. Sometimes I even have problems remember what I did the day before etc. That makes matters worse.
And and, I realised, well yes it did take me awhile, but I am such a day dreamer???!!? I can literally start day-dreaming anytime, anywhere. Especially when I am alone, like on the bus or what. And I can even start giggling or laughing sometimes. Or also, become very very sad. Affecting my mood. You know, as if you suddenly recall something very funny. Oh and that happens to me too.
Sometimes I think I am going crazy.
Need to snap out of it.
"The invention of the ship was also the invention of the shipwreck." - Paul Virilio
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Thursday, April 10, 2014
April. A month of jokes and fools.
This month so far has been nothing but boring. I've been trying to put more efforts into my work, staying in school till late cause I don't really enjoy going back to that room of mine and facing those four walls and being, well, alone.
I've been eating out everyday. Thank God for awesome friends who would occasionally invite me over when they cook, or even come over to cook and eat with me. Other than that, my meals are mostly eaten outside, filled with mostly MSG and MSG. Mehhh~ I miss Yati's cooking at home.
I had a crazy gastric attack that day in the library and my friend rushed all the way to the supermarket which opened late to buy medicine and water for me while I was crumbling in pain in the library. Hate how my gastric works up at such bad times. And no, I have been eating regularly okay.
Oh and my awesome friends also came up with a formula for me to calculate the time I would take to reach. apparently, I don't really have a good sense of timing. Oops. I even have a coefficient.
Tr = n + 10 + TI + d/St
What can I say? They make my uni life happy and fun. Without them, uni won't be the same.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
March flew by in a blink of an eye though looking back, I won't say I enjoyed it a lot. April, I won't ask you to be good to me cause the lesser the hopes, the lesser the disappointment? Just don't be too mean.
I've got one mid-semester paper coming up and the thought of it scares me. I am actually already in my last year of university? Yuckssssss. The thought of what the future holds is kinda scary.
In the meantime, I am missing this ball of sunshine so much. :(
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Bumped into this cute doggy (poodle I suppose?) outside the supermarket yesterday after lunch. The poor doggy was waiting outside for its owner and it looked so upset/lonely. Then me being me, of course approached the doggy.
Well usually I would have been stopped by others for fear of it being aggressive or dirty etc. But heck. The dog was wagging its tail furiously. I mean, I believe that if I don't harm the dog, why would it "harm" me by biting me or what. But it kinda makes sense right? Why would the dog wanna "harm" you for no reason if you have no ill intentions.
And true enough, this dog was a total sweetheart. It began coming super close to me, cuddling up to my legs. As if rubbing itself against my legs to show that it likes me. Or at least I want to think that way to make myself happy. Hahahhaha. *no I am not in denial, hahahahah* And hahahah, I got some pictures with the dog. I mean cmon, its too cute!!! The owner didn't come out and I had to leave. I was kinda sad to leave but i mean, I don't have a choice.
Someone once told me that if I was gonna be so sad knowing that I had to leave the dog, then in the first place don't even touch it, get attached to it. Haa, but I just jump head/heart in first as usual. Does the same thing apply to human relationships?
But of course I got emo afterwards cause it reminded me of my dogs at home. And I started to look at my dog's photos and videos. Mehhhh, I just hate the thought of me being so far away and not being able to "protect" them when they are afraid, especially when its raining and there's lightning/thunder. Yikes, I don't even want to think about it.
I think I posted this gif before but its really too cute. Looking at such stuff makes me happy.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Currently listening to.
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you
Thursday, March 27, 2014
So despite this rainy weather and cooping in my room, I've been watching movies and more movies. Hahah believe it or not, I was watching Romeo and Juliet 1996, the one with Leonardo De Caprio inside. Though I missed the recent one, there was another one I think last year? I guess the 1996 one is a big favourite.
I used to think that Romeo and Juliet was just one of Shakespeare's great hits, a stupid romance where two star-crossed lovers end up in tragedy due to miscommunication. I was thinking, how dumb, what are star-crossed lovers even? Everything seemed too dramatic and its just popular cause its by Shakespeare. And of course since it was one of the books I did for literature in secondary school, I hated it even more.
Just now while watching the show, I remembered reading somewhere there are many great things in life. And one of the main few is to love and be loved. In the story, I guess romeo and juliet could be termed as what modern day would say as "hopeless romantics". I couldn't help but think whether its good and bad? They yearned for true love, love to them was everything. Romeo was at first all depressed and at loss, life was meaningless when he only thought of rosaline. In these days, many would have called him "Stupid", "Useless" to be so sad over "just a girl". For romeo and juliet, they had "love at first sight" and of course I hate how the word "love" is used so easily. what was love to them? yet, their love was so great they would do anything. Was this stupid? childish? or was it just brave? Is having love enough, so much so that you don't need anything else? They died in the end but found the loves of their lives, so was their deaths in vain?
Arghhh I guess I am just thinking too much again.
According to the weather reports, it's gonna raining non stop for the next few days. And there's even gonna thunder and lightning. Yucks.
The thunder and lightning here is just way more scary than the ones in Singapore. Well or perhaps it's just some psychological thing. Cause I know I'm not at home. And cause the winds are so strong, sometimes an umbrella isn't of much use either. And once in a awhile, you can hear the ambulance sirens which makes me shudder, knowing that something awful is happening to someone out there.
And of course I get reminded of Zara who is such a scaredy cat and how I have to drag myself out of bed cause I know she will be waiting for me to go comfort her and hug her. Else the poor doggy will be hiding in one corner shivering. That makes me sad.
So cause it's so inconvenient to go out, I usually miss my classes on these rainydays. It's so cold and my feet. My poor feet is always icy, and that feeling is horrible. So I just snuggle in my bed, wrapping my blanket around me with my pillows surrounding me. Hoping that I ll fall asleep and when I wake up the rain is gone.
Of course the rain makes you feel ultra lonely too. So I ll play some music to accompany me. Luckily my mom is with me this time so it's okay. And I always end up eating ice-cream in bed. Hahahhaha. Idk whats with me and ice cream these days.
I am such a scaredy cat at times too.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
The weather for the past few days has been nothing but mostly wet and gloomy with sudden downpours and showers. The perfect weather to stay indoors and snuggle in bed definitely. However, not the best if you wanna head out. Like today in school, everything was fine one moment and the next moment there's a sudden downpour and everybody starts running for shelter. However, after about a minute or so, the rain becomes a slight drizzle and everyone just walks around normally again.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
It's 8:15pm and the next bus only comes at 8:41pm. So I'm stuck at this bus stop for the next 26min of my life watching cars go by and listening to my music. It's kinda relaxing actually. Australia has done me good. It has taught me to take buses to everywhere, anywhere. Bus all day, every day.
I actually hate taking buses. It makes me feel lonely and I start to think too much.
But I have this secret dream.
One day I ll take a bus from one end to another end with a boy and it will be a happy bus ride. We don't need to talk or anything, just listen to music together and enjoy each other's company.
Okay the bus came early. Yay.